“Can’t you have your “own” kids?”

5 Oct

People seem to have one of two reactions when you tell them you’re adopting. They are either super ecstatic and excited for you or they look at you sideways with sympathy. The second reaction is usually followed by, “Can’t you have kids of your own?”. This gets a lil’ frustrating and, to be honest, a bit tiresome to explain. Since when is it okay to ask about a person’s sex life?

Well, to clear the air, I’m going to put it all out there. Yes, Jeremy and I did try the ol’ natural way to have kiddies. We tried for a year and a half. Somewhere within the year, I did have an abnormal pap and had the LEEP procedure done (if you don’t know what it is, google it). Although that really shouldn’t have too much of an effect on my fertility. Jeremy and I both got checked out. My tubes are clear and he has over 52 million swimmers. There is no obvious reason why we shouldn’t be able to have biological kids. Did we try long enough? Who determines what is long enough to create a baby? Could we have tried longer? For sure! But I didn’t want to, we WANTED to pursue adoption. Adoption is NOT a last resort for us. We had talked about adopting before we were even married, before we were even trying to have kids. We were either going to adopt now or later, so what difference does it make if we do it now, rather than 3 years from now?  We are young and have plenty of time to try for more kiddies later.

I feel like every time I come across someone who doesn’t understand why we didn’t try “harder” to have biological kids, I have to convince them that this is something we really want to do. Don’t get me wrong, I know people are curious and I welcome the questions, but please don’t give me pity looks when I tell you we are adopting. I get it, not everyone understands adoption or the want to adopt. Adoption is not for everyone, but just because you don’t understand why we want this, doesn’t mean you should feel sorry for us. This is something we are excited about, no pity needed!



6 Responses to ““Can’t you have your “own” kids?””

  1. Melinda October 5, 2010 at 12:43 PM #

    Count me on the oh-so-excited for you team! I too have have always had a heart for adoption (a cousin of mine was adopted from Korea and a next door neighbor growing up was adopted). I think it’s awesome that you all are pursuing this!

  2. bienliving October 12, 2010 at 3:54 PM #

    I am thrilled for you! I love that you’ve always considered adoption & it sounds like the time is right for you to persue it 🙂

  3. Mina October 12, 2010 at 5:49 PM #

    count me in the so excited camp as well! i think talking about babies/pregnancy/adoption sometimes facilitates people asking questions that are much more personal than they realize them to be–not to mention that it’s a very personal decision and we will have no idea what a couple went through in order to come to any decision related to child-rearing.

  4. Mina October 12, 2010 at 5:52 PM #

    fyi–looking at it again, that’s a completely inappropriate question not only in terms of personal privacy, but also because of the assumption that adoption is less valuable than biological childbearing.

    • Mother? October 12, 2010 at 6:47 PM #

      Thanks for all the support, gals!! Mwah!

      @Mina, I totally agree! People don’t seem to understand this will be my child. No, I didn’t give birth to him/her, but he/she will still be wholly mine.

  5. thelordshousekeeper January 10, 2011 at 10:37 PM #

    I came across your blog from weddingbee and was excited to see the adoption focus because I love adoption. And I love that adoption is not just a “last resort” for you guys. Though my husband and I want to have biological kids, we really want to foster and adopt as well. We have several good friends who have adopted (some internationally and some from their own city) and I’ve loved watching these kids become their own kids.

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