The evil step-mom.

9 Nov

Step-son and I rockin’ the matching PJs.

I’m gonna start this post by saying that our homestudy class was great. It was a wealth of information. We met some awesome people who are also in the adoption process and we got some of questions answered that we had about our upcoming paperwork. That being said, there was one itty bitty thing that kinda bothered me during the course…

This class was very heavy on stating that our “adoptive children” are not our adoptive children but our children. Period. They are not our kids that were adoptive and brought into our family. They are 100% our kids. And I totally could not agree more. There is no difference in love that I will have for my kids, adoptive or not. So while they repeated this throughout the 8 hour class (well, we were only there for 5.5 hours, due to car issues), at one point they sorda made me feel like less of a parent because I am a step-mother and not a biological mother.

At one point in the class we were discussing parenting and it was then realized that Jeremy was the only one in the class that currently had a child. There was a joke made that because he is the only one in the class that is already a parent, that he was the expert of the class in parenting. This led to multiple questions about parenting and what he does to parent his son being asked of him. And only him. No one looked my way or asked me how it is to parent a step-son or what I do to love and/or discipline him. I just felt that was a bit hypocritical of them to emphasis that as adoptive parents, we are no less of parents than the ones who gave birth to them, but then later they made me feel like that because I am a step-mom.

My step-son is 6 years old. I have been in his life since he was 1. I have been active in his live for 5 of the 6 years he has been alive. As far as he can remember, I have always been around.

Photo by Redheaded Ninja

I love him as though he were my own biological child. I don’t treat him any different than I would if he were “100%” mine. I love him. I also am probably the main disciplinary parent out of his 3 (mom, dad and me) parents. Let me re-phrase that, I am the strictest out of his 3 parents. He listens to me (as much as a 6 year old will). He hugs, loves and cuddles with me. I kiss his boo boos. I tell him when he’s doing something wrong. I read to him and quiz him on spelling words. I try to make him eat foods that he doesn’t want to eat, because I know they are good for him. I take him to the park and the library. I bath, feed him and tuck him in at night. I love him.

Maybe I over-read into their lack of awareness. Maybe I’m being too sensitive about it.
I just want to state that I am no less of parent just because I am a step-mom.

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2 Responses to “The evil step-mom.”

  1. Ashley Langton November 12, 2010 at 5:15 PM #

    Hi!
    First, I want to comment on your post. My parents are divorced since I was about your son’s age my stepfather has been around. I am 27 now and I have to say that as I got older, I couldn’t differentiate between the love of my biological father and the love of my step-father. And now, I feel more supported and loved by my stepfather because I lived with him. He never missed a waking day of my life (except for weekends or trips with grandparents here and there). But the point is that while others may forget that you are no less of a parent than your husband or your son’s biological mother- your son will surely recognize you at the same level if not more because YOU are the one that doesn’t miss a waking day in his life.

    Second, I’m glad you liked the idea of a Family Book. I don’t remember where I got the idea, but it worked with our son Alex, when we were in the process of adopting him from Ukraine. When he got home, he looked around and didn’t seem frightened. We got out the book and compared the photos and he was in agreement that this home was the same as the book. I think it was a miracle that he was frightened and that he just assumed his position as a child and began playing with his toys and exploring as we expected. It was a terrific transitional tool that I highly reccommend!!

    Best Wishes to you!! God bless!
    Ashley Langton

  2. Anita November 14, 2010 at 4:20 PM #

    I totally LOVE YOU!!!!

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